Love and Be Loved

The last few days people keep saying things that have really caught my attention concerning love and I just can't ignore my thoughts any longer. In the last week I have had 3 of my friends get engaged! This is crazy and exciting and I can't be happier for them. They have found Love!! Isn't that what we all want? I know I do. Love.. What a strange idea though. I guess until I experience its a concept quite like "Forever" Just a difficult concept to fully grasp. I mean, What does that even mean? And what does it even mean to Love?
A recent conversation I had with a friend led me to the conclusion that we have to love ourselves first, before we can expect anyone to love us in return. This friend, was struggling with a girl that he liked and was willing to fight for her and make it work, and she...well.. wasn't. The worst part in all of this was that he blamed himself. "People fight for things worth fighting for" he told me. This absolutely tore me to pieces.
He is worth it. I am worth it. We are ALL WORTH FIGHTING FOR!! If your love doesn't think you worthy to fight for, they are NOT WORTH IT! and You DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER!!
Why are we so hard on ourselves? I realized as I was telling him this, that I was being a hypocrite. Being down on myself and blaming myself for the lack of love I get from others? Guilty! I need to take my own advice. I have to love myself, and be confident in MYSELF before I can expect any devotion or love from anyone. I mean, come on people, lets be realistic here... Not everyone is going to Love you, or even Like you, but if a person cannot accept you fully and completely exactly the way you are, you don't belong together. That is my personal opinion anyways, take it or leave it.
I was dating a guy there for a while who I thought I was completely in love with. He made me better. He made me stronger, and I absolutely loved talking to him, and the way he made me feel. When he told me he didn't feel the same way anymore, I was devastated, I still cared so deeply for him and he had moved on. After everything I've heard and the thinking that I have done the last few days, I realized and accepted the fact that... if it didn't work out, it wasn't meant to be.
Why settle for someone who doesn't love you as much as you love them. Why settle for someone you have to convince to love you? NEVER settle for LESS than You DESERVE.
So what does it mean to love and be loved? I guess to me, Love is trust. Love is Giving myself to someone completely. Love is wanting to be with them always. Love is someone who makes me a better person. Love is friendship. Love is appreciation for each other. Love is acceptance of every flaw. Love is priceless. Love is compromise.
In Closing ..From Moulin Rouge
The Greatest thing you'll ever learn is to just Love, and Be Loved in Return.
-Jacqueline Grena

Shakin Things Up

Well I fail at blogging but hey, this is for my own sake so when I get old and married I can go back and look at what I wrote and laugh at how complicated I thought my life was.Lastthe post I was reading and I just "loved" Accounting.... Yeah. That Changed. Forsure. I don't even wanna talk about it anymore. And Econ? Still absolutely Terrible and anyone who ever considered an econ major should still go see a doctor. Good news though.. GOT IN TO UTAH STATE!! Round of applause for moi. Jkkk. But I was excited to get the acceptance letter and the scholarship that followed. Thats right. I got a scholarship. Now I just have to keep it... crap. Well Im officially in Logan Utah now. And then my bff Devanie goes and leave me all alone in logan with her cousins being like the only people left that I know. Cool.Ha Emily Speas is now on her Mission in Thailand! And Brecka went back to wyoming. They will both be missed terribly. Ive gotten so bored Ive resorted to helping a friend flyer doors for the new business he started but hey, anything I can do to be supportive right? This year is gonna be crazy and Im not sure what to think of it here. There are so many complications but im learning to face my fears. Change being the biggest one of all. I don't know about you but Change is extremely scary for some of us. Someone pointed out to me that I am not a passive person by nature but have become that way because im afraid of fear and rejection. As much as I hate to admit it, they were right. Past experiences when Ive been aggressive with my behaviors and opinions have only ever lost me friends. ANYYYWAAYYSSSS. Leaving provo was slightly weird and I will miss my roommates Sam and Mikayla so much. We all parted ways this year. Sam at BYU, me leaving for Utah State and mikayla going on a mission to Taiwan. But I will always remember them:)
and you wanna know whats even weirder?!? MY friend.. KYLE.. will be leaving me for 2 FREAKING YEARS:(((( He has been there in my life since I was 2. We did piano together, we were in school together, we did talent shows together, we went through the awkward friends phase, and then he was there for me all through highschool and even my first year in college. I have literally grown up with this kid and he has ALWAYS been there for me. We might not have always been the closest but we were alwasy friends. We even got "married" dangit!! Just because everyone had already decided for us that we would. He will be serving the Lord for 2 years in Istanbul Turkey and I will miss him so much. Thank Goodness for writing letters. It nearly brings me to tears to think that he will be absent from my life in some of the most life changing years. I could really be married by the time he comes back and who knows, maybe even have a kid...ha probably not, but you get the point. I know he will be an amazing missionary and I am so proud of him. LOVE YOU KYLE:))
Well this has been super mushy and not as super exciting. Honestly ya'll, this is more for my own sake than yours. Oh on a lighter note.. I decided to start writing down by bucket list. I swear it grows everyday but heres just what Ive started, and not in any particular order.
1. Go To the Texas State Fair
2. Go skinny Dipping
3. Plant a Peach Tree.
4. Donate Plasma
5. Visit the 7 wonders of the world
6. Go to a World Cup
7. Go to Disney world
8. Go to a Haunted House
9. Write A song
10. Find a passion
11. Ride a Gondola
12. Hike down to the Havasupi Indian Reservation
13. Visit Barcelona, Spain
14. Do a Triathlon
15. Plan a wedding
16. Go scuba diving
17. See a play on Broadway
18. Drive across the country
19. Go to a Luke Bryan Concert.
20. He is We concert-- BUT I DID THAT HERE IN LOGAN!!! YAYYYY!
21. Have a legit Picnic
22. Learn to play guitar
23. Go sky diving
And that is just to start! I am so excited to do all of these things and hopefully I will one day! Referring to #4.. that will be complete as of tomorrow shortly after 11:30am. I am terrified. I blacked out giving blood. and this needle is even bigger. For those of you that really know me..you know I don't do shots. Like at all. So this is gonna be a new experience. But hey, I get paid for it so its worth it right? I guess we'll find out soon. Drinking lots of water to stay hydrated for it. And well ya'll... thats all I got for now. And Thats my life:)