The Power of Questions

This weekend has been absolutely fantastic. My Texas family came up to Utah for the Barlow Family tradition of Donut Day. This Halloween tradition left me filled with WAYYY too many donuts. Being around family has an incredible effect on me. And im not just talking about my immediate family either. My mom comes from 1 of 15 and her family could not have more different personalities between all of them. This is a curse and a blessing. Bring the fam together and you have more ideas and perspectives on any given topic. I take the most pleasure in just sitting and listening to her family converse. Education, religion, politics, family, Change, Truth, Absolutely anything you can possibly think of, has gotten discussed. Time and time again, the idea came up that people don't question anymore. There is sooo much power in a question. So much that can be learned and sparked by just a simple question. But society today has taught us to obey. Not question. And those who do question the order of things are looked down upon or even punished. People need to think for themselves! Yes, there are professionals for a reason, so yes they have a little more knowledge than perhaps we do on a particular subject, but the internet is an incredible thing. We have the power to learn for ourselves. Why take someone elses word on something when we could know for ourselves?! We dismiss the opportunity to grow and challenge ourselves because we have forgotten the power of questions. Children are full of them. why? Why? WHY?! That is all they ever ask! What happened to our inner child that should be asking these WHY questions in our life. When confronted on my opinion on a subject, I gave my response and was then responded with a WHY? ......I am embarrassed to say that I didn't know WHY I believed in that particular matter. Why did I think that? Why do we believe what we believe? Is it because thats what someone has told us to believe? Is it because thats what is expected that we believe? We need to start questioning again. Question everything! Learn for ourselves. Grow. Enjoy. There is so much power that can come from the knowledge that is sparked by a simple question.

-Jacqueline

Face the Enemy Within

We are continually faced with choices every single day. When you got up this morning, what to wear, what makeup, what to do with your hair, whether to go to your first class or not, to walk to take the bus. But how many of these choices are hard? None of them. We get so used to making such trivial and unimportant decisions that when the hard ones come up... We panic. Maybe youre one of those people who can make any decision in an instant. Just like that. I am not. It is RIDICULOUSLY hard for me to make any decisions. The choices we make that change who we are, are these kinds of decisions. It is time to be brave. To make the changes I want to see in my life. To be opinionated, and stand up for what I believe, or even decide what it is that I Do believe. To face my fears. To become the person I WANT to be rather than who I have let myself become. The lack of decisions, the lack of strength, and my fear have overcome my ability to MAKE THE CHANGE! The time for me is now, The time for ALL OF US, is now,. Don't let yourself get in the way of becoming the You, that You want to be and are completely capable of being.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hbkZrOU1Zag

This was shared with me by a friend and it definitely hit home for me. Apply it to your life. Face the Enemy within!!
"Decide now, because destiny waits for no man, when your time comes and a thousand different voices try to tell you you're not ready for it, listen instead to that lone voice of descent, the one that says you are ready, you are prepared, its all up to you now."

Love and Be Loved

The last few days people keep saying things that have really caught my attention concerning love and I just can't ignore my thoughts any longer. In the last week I have had 3 of my friends get engaged! This is crazy and exciting and I can't be happier for them. They have found Love!! Isn't that what we all want? I know I do. Love.. What a strange idea though. I guess until I experience its a concept quite like "Forever" Just a difficult concept to fully grasp. I mean, What does that even mean? And what does it even mean to Love?
A recent conversation I had with a friend led me to the conclusion that we have to love ourselves first, before we can expect anyone to love us in return. This friend, was struggling with a girl that he liked and was willing to fight for her and make it work, and she...well.. wasn't. The worst part in all of this was that he blamed himself. "People fight for things worth fighting for" he told me. This absolutely tore me to pieces.
He is worth it. I am worth it. We are ALL WORTH FIGHTING FOR!! If your love doesn't think you worthy to fight for, they are NOT WORTH IT! and You DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER!!
Why are we so hard on ourselves? I realized as I was telling him this, that I was being a hypocrite. Being down on myself and blaming myself for the lack of love I get from others? Guilty! I need to take my own advice. I have to love myself, and be confident in MYSELF before I can expect any devotion or love from anyone. I mean, come on people, lets be realistic here... Not everyone is going to Love you, or even Like you, but if a person cannot accept you fully and completely exactly the way you are, you don't belong together. That is my personal opinion anyways, take it or leave it.
I was dating a guy there for a while who I thought I was completely in love with. He made me better. He made me stronger, and I absolutely loved talking to him, and the way he made me feel. When he told me he didn't feel the same way anymore, I was devastated, I still cared so deeply for him and he had moved on. After everything I've heard and the thinking that I have done the last few days, I realized and accepted the fact that... if it didn't work out, it wasn't meant to be.
Why settle for someone who doesn't love you as much as you love them. Why settle for someone you have to convince to love you? NEVER settle for LESS than You DESERVE.
So what does it mean to love and be loved? I guess to me, Love is trust. Love is Giving myself to someone completely. Love is wanting to be with them always. Love is someone who makes me a better person. Love is friendship. Love is appreciation for each other. Love is acceptance of every flaw. Love is priceless. Love is compromise.
In Closing ..From Moulin Rouge
The Greatest thing you'll ever learn is to just Love, and Be Loved in Return.
-Jacqueline Grena

Shakin Things Up

Well I fail at blogging but hey, this is for my own sake so when I get old and married I can go back and look at what I wrote and laugh at how complicated I thought my life was.Lastthe post I was reading and I just "loved" Accounting.... Yeah. That Changed. Forsure. I don't even wanna talk about it anymore. And Econ? Still absolutely Terrible and anyone who ever considered an econ major should still go see a doctor. Good news though.. GOT IN TO UTAH STATE!! Round of applause for moi. Jkkk. But I was excited to get the acceptance letter and the scholarship that followed. Thats right. I got a scholarship. Now I just have to keep it... crap. Well Im officially in Logan Utah now. And then my bff Devanie goes and leave me all alone in logan with her cousins being like the only people left that I know. Cool.Ha Emily Speas is now on her Mission in Thailand! And Brecka went back to wyoming. They will both be missed terribly. Ive gotten so bored Ive resorted to helping a friend flyer doors for the new business he started but hey, anything I can do to be supportive right? This year is gonna be crazy and Im not sure what to think of it here. There are so many complications but im learning to face my fears. Change being the biggest one of all. I don't know about you but Change is extremely scary for some of us. Someone pointed out to me that I am not a passive person by nature but have become that way because im afraid of fear and rejection. As much as I hate to admit it, they were right. Past experiences when Ive been aggressive with my behaviors and opinions have only ever lost me friends. ANYYYWAAYYSSSS. Leaving provo was slightly weird and I will miss my roommates Sam and Mikayla so much. We all parted ways this year. Sam at BYU, me leaving for Utah State and mikayla going on a mission to Taiwan. But I will always remember them:)
and you wanna know whats even weirder?!? MY friend.. KYLE.. will be leaving me for 2 FREAKING YEARS:(((( He has been there in my life since I was 2. We did piano together, we were in school together, we did talent shows together, we went through the awkward friends phase, and then he was there for me all through highschool and even my first year in college. I have literally grown up with this kid and he has ALWAYS been there for me. We might not have always been the closest but we were alwasy friends. We even got "married" dangit!! Just because everyone had already decided for us that we would. He will be serving the Lord for 2 years in Istanbul Turkey and I will miss him so much. Thank Goodness for writing letters. It nearly brings me to tears to think that he will be absent from my life in some of the most life changing years. I could really be married by the time he comes back and who knows, maybe even have a kid...ha probably not, but you get the point. I know he will be an amazing missionary and I am so proud of him. LOVE YOU KYLE:))
Well this has been super mushy and not as super exciting. Honestly ya'll, this is more for my own sake than yours. Oh on a lighter note.. I decided to start writing down by bucket list. I swear it grows everyday but heres just what Ive started, and not in any particular order.
1. Go To the Texas State Fair
2. Go skinny Dipping
3. Plant a Peach Tree.
4. Donate Plasma
5. Visit the 7 wonders of the world
6. Go to a World Cup
7. Go to Disney world
8. Go to a Haunted House
9. Write A song
10. Find a passion
11. Ride a Gondola
12. Hike down to the Havasupi Indian Reservation
13. Visit Barcelona, Spain
14. Do a Triathlon
15. Plan a wedding
16. Go scuba diving
17. See a play on Broadway
18. Drive across the country
19. Go to a Luke Bryan Concert.
20. He is We concert-- BUT I DID THAT HERE IN LOGAN!!! YAYYYY!
21. Have a legit Picnic
22. Learn to play guitar
23. Go sky diving
And that is just to start! I am so excited to do all of these things and hopefully I will one day! Referring to #4.. that will be complete as of tomorrow shortly after 11:30am. I am terrified. I blacked out giving blood. and this needle is even bigger. For those of you that really know me..you know I don't do shots. Like at all. So this is gonna be a new experience. But hey, I get paid for it so its worth it right? I guess we'll find out soon. Drinking lots of water to stay hydrated for it. And well ya'll... thats all I got for now. And Thats my life:)

The Ups and Downs of Life

It's been quite some time since my last post and Second semester of college is well under way and crazy busy at that. So I'm taking a few business school prereq classes, and for all you business majors out there...Econ 110 is TERRIBLE. Maybe economics is your thing...in that case, I think you should probably go see a doctor. Accounting surprisingly is more interesting than I thought, and I really enjoyed the class and get this, my professor only wears Hawaiian shirts. Its a nice change from the white shirt and tie. ANYWAYS, loved accounting until...duh duh duhh....I FAILED MY FIRST TEST. :(( It was by far the worst feeling ever. Everyone at BYU is top of their class, and yeah I understand that I was gonna fail a test at some point in my life, but SERIOUSLY?! it sucks. but on to good new... I APPLIED TO UTAH STATE!!!! I don't think I should have a problem getting in, I mean lets be real here, I got into BYU problem, Acceptance to Utah state? Piece of cake. But we'll keep our fingers crossed just in case. I cannot wait to be up there. Im gonna be living with one of my best friends, This girl Right Here..

and theres this guy I'm kinda interested in that also just happens to go there as well. But he's just a bonus:) So get this.. I am 19 years old. I have a cousin, absolute sweet heart and I love her to death. She got married this summer to this wonderful man named paul and they are absolutely darling together and love them both...well, shes pregnant! CAN YOU EVEN IMAGINE? I know I can't. It has been BEYOND WEIRD for me to even think about. But I am soo happy for them. Shout out to all my Texas friends, but who else is with me when I say, "WINTER/SNOW/COLD UTAH WEATHER is THE WORST THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD" It has been terrible. Snow and I are not friends, that is FOR SURE. Regardless, my roomies and I took pictures together today. Full on photo shoot. And DANG did we look HOTT.

They turned out So cute. Or at least I like to think so, but I'll leave that up to you to decide. We had been wanting to get all dressed up and go take pics for like 2 weeks now so today was the day and OF COURSE, after a whole week of it being actually decent weather, (35 degrees) the heavens decide to open up and unleash misery on poor provo. Nevertheless, we took pictures. In the Cold. Freezing. Snow. and STILL looked Fabulous. Sam and I are both sporting our new shoes that we got, ON SALE, and you will never guess how much we paid for them. My sexy heels: a Grand Total of..... (Drum roll please!!) 5 DOLLARS!! I know right? That is such a crazy good deal for those of you who a. Are boys. or b. Don't wear heels. Between me and my 2 roommates, we bought 17 pairs of shoes. But only 10 of them were for us. The other 7 were for good friends that we were kinda enough to buy shoes for. (to be paid back later of course)

It was definitely a good pick me up after the terrible time I had giving blood....and onto that story. So giving blood. Good idea right? WRONG. I don't get shots. Long story, Don't ask. But anyways. I don't do needles. EVER. but giving blood was on my bucket list for this year. You know those stupid things in life that everyone just has to do sometime for no reason? Like jump off a bridge, or build a car out of cardboard and go through the drive thru at McDonald. Well, this was one of those things for me. So I sign up to give blood and I was looking forward to it and all and I'm sitting in the chair and freaking out a little bit. First time, might I remind you again, and the guy misses my vein. So hes jabbing me with this freaking needle and it HURT SO BAD. Like GOOD HECK, Get it in!

After that it was good...until the needle came out.. I was good for about 30 seconds, and then it hit me. The Room literally started spinning. Now let me tell you, if you have never felt this, you don't want to. Trust me. It was nauseating. And my whole body felt numb and my stomach was just weird and then I'm pretty sure I blacked out. When I came to, there were 3 people around me calling my name and telling me to move my legs up and down and I literally couldn't. Like Literally. It was bad. Then this lady handed me a bag of pretzels and I start eating them and my roommate comes up and asks how I'm doing. All I could say was "I don't even like pretzels" (as im sitting there eating them) I was a bit loopy and out of it. After I left, my arm just ached. Moral of the story....Giving blood is not as great as I thought it would be. I don't know if I am going to be giving blood any time soon, that's for sure.
Well I guess that pretty much gets us caught up on the most important aspects of my life. Well the ones that You get to be privy to ;)
And Thats my life!

My CRAZY life

College life has been INSANE lately. CRAZY BUSY, and Can you say SLEEP DEPRPIVED?! Thank goodness for my tuesday/thursday late classes because with my late night job, sleep is not something I get a lot of. Sooo.. In the last 2 months, We've had, My birthdaayy (19 woot woot) My cousin Chelsea, and Paul's beautiful wedding reception, Ive gone to UTAH STATE to see one of my best Friends, Devanie. That was seriously the most fun I have had like ever. Her friends are absolutely amazing. First like hour I was there, we go to get in the car and I grabbed the little connecter part between the front and back doors and My fingers got shut in the door. I Didn't even feel it though! I just calmly asked Bryce to open the door real quick. Then Dev realized what had happened and soon the entire car had bust out laughing. I was Laughing so hard I was cryingggg. My fingers are fine, don't worry. Saturday day night, we went to the HOWL. Way freaking cool. I love dancing like I never realized before. We looked hott if I do say so myself. But we got absolutely noo sleep. We went to a bunch of peoples places after like 1 when the Howl got over and ended up passing out on these guys floor around 5am. Sleep deprivation was worth the weekend I had with that girl though. Loved her best friend Brecka. Can't wait to transfer up there next year (fingers crossed)

And Yes, I did take that:)) Then of course were the infamous midterms. (Gag me) Thanksgiving is just around the corner, then finals and BACK TO TEXAS WE GO!! but first I have to survive all this dreaded snow. That's right. Second week of OCTOBER.. we got snow. Then last week it was like 70 degrees outside and it was absolutely gorgeous and I loved it. Then overnight the temperature dropped and we got snow. I HATE IT. I may have been born in Utah, but I am Texan all the way and I like the Heat. Don't get me wrong though, it is absolutley GORGEOUS...

When I am warm and inside wrapped in a blanket or something. Not as I walk across campus PRAYING I don't slip and land on my butt.
OH, So I mentioned my new found love for dancing right? Well I am in this contemporary dance class (which is amazing) and this senior girl dance major came in looking for dancers for her senior project. After clarifying I didn't have to be skilled in the fine art of dance at all, I signed up to help and YES, I got to perform in her choreographed piece in front of an audience with a bunch of people from my contemporary class. SO MUCH FUN. Aaaannnddd...I got to wear bright red lipstick. And I looked Dang good.

I didn't realize how much I would love performing like I did. I'll tell ya one thing. My little girl is getting dance lessons. And she'll be in soccer. I have it all planned out:) Now to find the perfect guy....HA all in good time though. :) Well, That's my CRAZY, INSANE, SLEEP DEPRIVED, AWESOME, and TOTALLY KICKIN Life! Till next time Ya'll:)

FREAKING AWESOME

SO this weekend...FREAKING AWESOME. Best weekend ive had since college started. We, as in my wonderful amazing friends, Mikayla, Sam, and Mark, who I basically had to DRAG there, Went to this FREAKING AWESOME PARTY in lehi. Oh Man was that fun. I absolutely love dancing! So we were out till like 2:30am. And then they went home and came back the next day to my grandparents house. They met the fam, well an ity bity tiny part of the family. (Hopefully I didn't completely overwhelm them!) So the bridge I jumped off the other week? Well they all thought that was totally awesome and wanted to do it. Didn't have to drag mark that that. HAHA but so I went there once again and did all my flippy stuff and we all got up to the very top!!! LOOK AT THOSE ATTRACTIVE SILHOUETTES!

Then we went to the park down the road from my g-parents. It was definitely science fair night or Something because that place was PACKED. SOOOO MANY LITTLE KIDS!!! Mikayla made one of them cry it was hilarious! AND we saw the chickfila cow. How cool is that?! Way cool, I know right?! So the epic weekend continued when we went to this nickle arcade and played all those really dumb games that you really shouldn't waste money on but theyre soo fun. Mark DESTROYED ME at dance dance revolution. Like it was bad..I had four people helping me out and mark was just going at it alone. Complete annihilation. So embarrassing. Thats what i get for challenging a guy to a DDR competition...So by then its only 11:30. On a Saturday night. No way were we calling it quits yet. So we take the little squirt gun mark got at the arcade and we pull up to these people and told a joke or something and then squirted them with water and drove off real fast. Ha and this continued for a while. Then we filled up a water balloon and threw it at some people. The fun was only ended when we passed a cop in the parking lot and he backed up and turned around. YIKES! because we definitely had like 6 people in the car and had been squirting water guns and throwing balloons at people. And so we ended it right then. We had a FREAKING AWESOME weekend. Love these guys. And Thats My Life:)